Broadsided
“Broadsided”, my friend Cynthia said, “You have been
broadsided Heidi” and I remember thinking yes, this is the first
time anyone could find the right word that I could connect with.
I have been broadsided and on a cool day in November of 1998 at the
age of 38 my doctor told me I have breast cancer, and in a split second
my life changed.
I remember it was a Friday afternoon when the phone rang. I was home
alone. I knew it was my doctor and I knew what he was going to say.
First, the silence, then he spoke. He said those words and I remember
thinking I want time to stop right now, just for a moment so I can remember
life as I know it. Remember my life, normal, my current reality; because
I am smart enough to know that from this moment on my life will never
be the same again. So I tune him out and I pause. I steel this moment
for myself and I turn and look in the mirror in the living room and
I realize I am about to start a new journey. I cherish this moment of
the old Heidi, the one I know so well, but only for a moment. Then I
tune back in and the tears come flowing, and the words, “oh my
God”, and the thoughts, cancer, and my new journey has begun…….
These words are taken directly from my personal journal. At this very
moment of transition in my life the only thing I’m sure of is
my life will never be the same again. I’m looking at them now
realizing, though numb at this point, how instantaneously the seeds
of fear were planted. I was entering the unknown, and though I didn’t
know to what extent exactly, I was also entering the tough side of fear.
But my story didn’t end there. I never dreamed that 2 years later
I would go on to give birth to a beautiful baby boy and my story, like
many of yours is a story of light and hope of courage and survival.
The story of cancer is a universal one; it has touched the lives of
thousands of women around the world. I am writing this book because
I’m compelled to tell my piece of this universal story. Just as
I am moved deeply by the thousands of women who will be broadsided with
a diagnosis of cancer this year I’m moved, by the greatest discovery
of my life, and I want to share. As I’ve reflected over the years
it’s become clear that it is because of my cancer that I now have
Christ in my life. That I now lead with Christ in my life. He waited
a very long time for me to find Him and then He used the darkest point
in my life to show me the greatest light I have ever known. And I needed
His light. I needed His love, His grace, His hope and His Promise.
And
I wanted to provide an opportunity for other women, amazing women, to
share their stories. All of them cancer survivors, I wanted you to hear
what they have to say as beautiful, faithful children of God. Stories
provide the means for us all to find the common thread and to share
our deepest insights of the paths we have traveled. Ultimately, I believe
stories help us find a bit of peace and healing and isn’t that
what we all want. No one should have to face cancer alone.
Let us be the light for each other.
—Heidi Kramer, Breast Cancer Survivor, 9 yrs
Gift
of Hope
One day I was scheduled for chemotherapy and was feeling pretty down.
I walked into the doctor’s office with my friend only to be told
my blood counts were too low to receive treatment. I was directed to
go to the hospital for a series of shots to build up my blood. As I
began to get teary eyed the lady sitting next to me asked what kind
of cancer I had. I shared that I had ovarian cancer and then she proceeded
to tell me she too had had ovarian cancer and that she was now a 13
year survivor. As we left the doctors office my friend commented that
perhaps the reason they hadn’t notified me by phone of my low
blood counts was because God wanted me to receive the gift of hope that
a 13 year survivor had just given me.
—Sharon Woldhuis, Ovarian Cancer Survivor, 7 yrs
The 'C' Word
Cancer is a word you never want to be associated with. After my surgery
to remove my melanoma I was told of its depth and my chances of survival.
I was supposedly in the ninetieth percentile. But I wonder where does
that figure come from? Do they pull it out of a hat? Once you have cancer
they can never give you a guarantee and that’s what I desperately
wanted, a guarantee. I remember telling my surgeon on a follow up visit
that I needed a shrink more than a surgeon right now. He, of course,
took me seriously saying he could give me some names but I was half
joking. I’m sure counseling could have helped at the time but
I am stubborn by nature. My fear of course was that the terrible “C”
word would come back.
— Janice Nyberg, Malignant Melanoma Survivor, 7 yrs
Enough!
Fear has pierced, invaded, attacked and attached itself to my every
thought many times. Here is my stream of consciousness: “I think
that’s a lump. Is that a lump? Oh, my God, what if it’s
coming back? Would I accept chemotherapy or just let whatever happens,
happen? Better write my memoirs for my children so they can tell their
children about me. What will they do without me? How will I die? Will
I be brave? Will God be there on the journey and help me to go down
gracefully? Will I feel that certainty others speak of…that peace?”
How we cope with fear is in direct proportion to how much control we
believe we have over our circumstances. We always have choices. Even
when it seems there is no hope, we can always say, “I choose to
trust and Thy will be done”, or we can live in fear. Being fearful
takes so much out of you. At some point we have to say, “Enough!
I don’t want to live this way any more!”
— Nancy Thompson,
Breast Cancer Survivor, 23 yrs
